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Tom Debevoise's avatar

The comment concerning the almighty giving us as much as we can handle is a nice thought; however, I know many who have crumbled in the face of adversity. I know men and women who are consumed with treatable mental and physical health conditions. Alcoholics slowly killing themselves. Pot smokers who check out on the couch for decades. Everyone will encounter challenges. My sociopathic ex wife caused a multi year MDD, during which she tried to kill me several times. I am in a safe place now and I feel joy frequently.if you are among the few who do the work and leverage your adversity add that to your reasons to love yourself. Many do not.

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Sunni (Sun) Brown's avatar

P.S. The God / Badass comment was for comedic relief only. :)

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Sunil Malhotra's avatar

I see truth in what you said. Taleb's antifragile is what comes to mind.

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Sunni (Sun) Brown's avatar

Looking up Taleb…

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Sunni (Sun) Brown's avatar

Tom, believe me, I hear you. You're describing most members of my own family as well. The complexity of that choice to rise to the occasion / make lemonade / alchemize pain, etc. is nuanced and mysterious on many levels. A strange mix of biology, resourcing, karmic legacies, choice, spiritual energies, luck, good teachers, on and on. I take no credit for being able to save myself...that happened in concert with a million other variables, seen and unseen. One of my Zen teachers often reminds us, "Do not abandon yourself." What you're describing is what happens when we do. I've seen it up close and personal and it sounds like you've been through the wringer as well. I am so glad you survived a sociopath. (P.S. Me too.) Thank you for reading. May we offer our loving-kindness to those who could not save themselves.

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Tom Debevoise's avatar

I agree; I credit much of my survival to conditions beyond my control. Free will is an illusion, and you only have a narrow set of choices in your circumstances.

Sociopathy is highly resistant to treatment and is a deeply embedded adaptation to severe childhood abuse. Unfortunately, it took decades and a MDD, including two hospital visits, to realize. The unbelievable thing is that when you live with these people, they do horrible things and then act as if nothing ever happened. They even get you to rationalize their toxic behaviors towards others—meta meditations for all the dwellers of the hell realms.

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Sunni (Sun) Brown's avatar

And YES - you are right. Sociopathy is most likely to be liberated in the next life, or the next and next. Once it’s seen clearly, unfortunately the almost immediate prescription is to move away, establish boundaries and enforce them. I don’t take that condition lightly. The harm is so very exponential. A bow to your journey and a wish for the rest of your time here to be filled with joy and peace. I wish this for us both.

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Sunni (Sun) Brown's avatar

Free will does seem deeply delusional and yet, there is this quantum foam, this deeper matrix of mystery. Have you seen Robert Sapolsky’s latest book?

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Lyn Christian's avatar

Thank you Sunni. There are soooo many reasons why this is a valuable piece to read. I will share with a group of coaches next week when we discuss the value of taking on challenges, the benefit of going through hard things. If anyone can write about this topic (in this moment of time) with some authority, it is you. Much love.

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Sunni (Sun) Brown's avatar

I'm so glad you find it useful enough to share with your group of coaches...when I wonder how on Earth either one of us made it through so many gauntlets, I return to the phenomenon of leaning in even when it's hard. All this explosive growth happens when we work to meet the music. And I know there have been times when we've both been riiiiight at that edge of impossible. Thank Stardust we've come this far. XO.

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Lyn Christian's avatar

Thank Stardust! Yes indeed. Well said my fearless warrior of the heart friend.

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