Thank you for seeing me, Kerry. I'm so human and many, many times, I just want to burn down the house. Just tear my mother from limb to limb. But what good is this? No good at all. What is that quote about hate causing problems but solving none? This is real. And good god am I only one small person. My Zen teacher and I spoke yesterday and we concurred that this would not be resolved psychologically, and certainly not legally. You take this one to the spiritual realm. I've never spent so much time there. It saves me over and over. Thank you again for your kindness. I am taking it in.
I have no words ... I am so deeply moved that I keep coming back and reading this, Sunni. Nothing adds up.
Christy is now a star shining from up above. We don't get to choose our destiny; some of us get release from the bondage of earth life and those of us left behind have to make sense of the loss. And handle our grief. And then go past it fuelled by memories dipped in love. Take care ...
Sunil, you are insightful. Christy is fully in the implicate, shining like the being of light we all are inside. I was such a pesky little sister. I had no idea she would be my spiritual instructor later. No idea. And you're right, we don't choose all aspects of our destinies...we seem to participate in mysterious ways, however, guided by our ancestors and helping spirits. I feel so close to them now. More than ever. Thank you for reading my words. Such love to you.
I am weary and I have had enough Jedi training for one life, but what I know is there is more to come. What kind of stars I was born under? Where is the gentle constellation? You too must have signed up for intensive training. Dear Goddess, why?
Utterly touched. You started to expand me with: "Mercifully, my sister speaks to me across the veil. She transmits wisdom in no uncertain terms." And then you continued and channeled her wisdom to us all. I will live with these words from you two sisters in my heart for days to come.
Lyn, thank you, thank you. It has been an incredible experience dialoguing with Christy in a non-ordinary reality. She comes when I am in intense pain, as do other benevolent beings. This has been an unexpected gift during an ongoing, heartbreaking season. There is much more she has taught and is teaching me. I told Liya today there's no way I would be okay without these threads through the veil. No way. As I navigate fresh hells, she is also showing me realms of great beauty and love. I am unspeakably grateful for this.
As we say, there is trauma with a little t and trauma with a capital T. It sounds like this is healing in ALL CAPS. I'll have faith there is a place for that in me.
Breath sucked out. Breath returned to ignite the fire. This too helps me think of my friend Said’s words of world hurt over deaths of tens of thousands. No equivalency. Just deaths taken unfairly and wrongly and finding the flame.
May her memory be for a blessing and her energy through you to us and others ignite more.
It is wonderful to hear from you, Joan. Thank you for reading. Her memory is already changing me in ways I could never have anticipated. The non-ordinary world feels more real than the ordinary world at this point...she has dialogued with me many times. She's also corrected me like a big sister would. :) I miss her all the time. She has joined the tens of thousands of which you speak. None of them are suffering. For that, I am glad.
Reading this, my heart is opened to the devastation and pain you must feel.
Without a question, it must be a deep wound.
Pema Chödrön said “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
The quotation on the fire is so timely for me. I will use it to spur my own practices of loving-kindness.
Sunni, you are a great warrior and your gifts touch many hearts. Blessings
As uncomfortable as that makes many people - the idea that we, too, can become the villains we often despise - it is fully, entirely, true. Over the course of this horrific experience, which lasted 46 years (my sister died at age 51 and the medical abuse began for her at age 5), there would be interim episodes when my processing unit, so to speak, would be so overwhelmed I had to kind of close up mental shop. I spent three months in the semi-wilderness once struggling mightily to reassemble a coherent worldview, a belief system, a broken heart, etc. It was during that period that what you shared became intimately known to me. Lorayne (my mother) and I are only different in conditioning, circumstance, resourcing, wounding, and this complex, chaotic edge of ethical formation. She committed to a darker path and I went another way. I don't give myself credit for this. On my best days, nor do I give her blame. As you said, I am her. We are each other. It is hard to hold this knowing because of how much pain there is. But becoming angry and violent - that can happen to anyone. Vigilance and spiritual friendships are required. Thank you so much for reading what I wrote, and for sharing your perspective. I love Pema, too.
I hear the weariness in your voice. I sense the inner struggle to keep it together or to at least pull yourself back to some semblence of order once you have fallen apart. So it is with the heart-warrior, the creative, the visonary. Why do we do this? Because it is the way of the hero and it is expansive. It bends on the long arch toward truth and all that is right and good in the universe. The opposite leaves the soul shriveled and isolated in darkness. There is destruction and then there is growth. Freedom, love, peace (even if fleating) are on the side of expanding into the light and being broken open over and over until the breaking is no longer viable. I know nothing but that path any more. I never want to find myself hidden in a corner shriveling in darkness again.
What powerful words. Thank you for writing and transmitting them.
Jennie, you are such an important part of my story, always. Thank you.
Woweeeee…. I have never heard despair, devastation being pulverized into sand described more accurately.
And to work mightily to NOT mirror destruction and revenge- yow!
I am so deeply touched by you-Sunni… sending love
Thank you for seeing me, Kerry. I'm so human and many, many times, I just want to burn down the house. Just tear my mother from limb to limb. But what good is this? No good at all. What is that quote about hate causing problems but solving none? This is real. And good god am I only one small person. My Zen teacher and I spoke yesterday and we concurred that this would not be resolved psychologically, and certainly not legally. You take this one to the spiritual realm. I've never spent so much time there. It saves me over and over. Thank you again for your kindness. I am taking it in.
My sincere condolences and thank you for sharing through your pain and growth.
I have no words ... I am so deeply moved that I keep coming back and reading this, Sunni. Nothing adds up.
Christy is now a star shining from up above. We don't get to choose our destiny; some of us get release from the bondage of earth life and those of us left behind have to make sense of the loss. And handle our grief. And then go past it fuelled by memories dipped in love. Take care ...
Sunil, you are insightful. Christy is fully in the implicate, shining like the being of light we all are inside. I was such a pesky little sister. I had no idea she would be my spiritual instructor later. No idea. And you're right, we don't choose all aspects of our destinies...we seem to participate in mysterious ways, however, guided by our ancestors and helping spirits. I feel so close to them now. More than ever. Thank you for reading my words. Such love to you.
Touched, Sunni. Thank you. Love back at you. :-)
Thank you for sharing. No doubt that through this hardship a new Sacred Union between you has been formed. You are now Sunni X 20!
I am weary and I have had enough Jedi training for one life, but what I know is there is more to come. What kind of stars I was born under? Where is the gentle constellation? You too must have signed up for intensive training. Dear Goddess, why?
Utterly touched. You started to expand me with: "Mercifully, my sister speaks to me across the veil. She transmits wisdom in no uncertain terms." And then you continued and channeled her wisdom to us all. I will live with these words from you two sisters in my heart for days to come.
Lyn, thank you, thank you. It has been an incredible experience dialoguing with Christy in a non-ordinary reality. She comes when I am in intense pain, as do other benevolent beings. This has been an unexpected gift during an ongoing, heartbreaking season. There is much more she has taught and is teaching me. I told Liya today there's no way I would be okay without these threads through the veil. No way. As I navigate fresh hells, she is also showing me realms of great beauty and love. I am unspeakably grateful for this.
Thanks for this Sunni. Very powerful and moving. Be well.
There is healing, and then there is Healing. This, is, HEALING. Thank you!
As we say, there is trauma with a little t and trauma with a capital T. It sounds like this is healing in ALL CAPS. I'll have faith there is a place for that in me.
Breath sucked out. Breath returned to ignite the fire. This too helps me think of my friend Said’s words of world hurt over deaths of tens of thousands. No equivalency. Just deaths taken unfairly and wrongly and finding the flame.
May her memory be for a blessing and her energy through you to us and others ignite more.
It is wonderful to hear from you, Joan. Thank you for reading. Her memory is already changing me in ways I could never have anticipated. The non-ordinary world feels more real than the ordinary world at this point...she has dialogued with me many times. She's also corrected me like a big sister would. :) I miss her all the time. She has joined the tens of thousands of which you speak. None of them are suffering. For that, I am glad.
The heart i gave this is because and for all you wrote, Sunni, because grief and transformation shared make a difference for us all. Thank you.
Reading this, my heart is opened to the devastation and pain you must feel.
Without a question, it must be a deep wound.
Pema Chödrön said “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
The quotation on the fire is so timely for me. I will use it to spur my own practices of loving-kindness.
Sunni, you are a great warrior and your gifts touch many hearts. Blessings
As uncomfortable as that makes many people - the idea that we, too, can become the villains we often despise - it is fully, entirely, true. Over the course of this horrific experience, which lasted 46 years (my sister died at age 51 and the medical abuse began for her at age 5), there would be interim episodes when my processing unit, so to speak, would be so overwhelmed I had to kind of close up mental shop. I spent three months in the semi-wilderness once struggling mightily to reassemble a coherent worldview, a belief system, a broken heart, etc. It was during that period that what you shared became intimately known to me. Lorayne (my mother) and I are only different in conditioning, circumstance, resourcing, wounding, and this complex, chaotic edge of ethical formation. She committed to a darker path and I went another way. I don't give myself credit for this. On my best days, nor do I give her blame. As you said, I am her. We are each other. It is hard to hold this knowing because of how much pain there is. But becoming angry and violent - that can happen to anyone. Vigilance and spiritual friendships are required. Thank you so much for reading what I wrote, and for sharing your perspective. I love Pema, too.
I hear the weariness in your voice. I sense the inner struggle to keep it together or to at least pull yourself back to some semblence of order once you have fallen apart. So it is with the heart-warrior, the creative, the visonary. Why do we do this? Because it is the way of the hero and it is expansive. It bends on the long arch toward truth and all that is right and good in the universe. The opposite leaves the soul shriveled and isolated in darkness. There is destruction and then there is growth. Freedom, love, peace (even if fleating) are on the side of expanding into the light and being broken open over and over until the breaking is no longer viable. I know nothing but that path any more. I never want to find myself hidden in a corner shriveling in darkness again.